Constructive feedback

Constructive feedback is a key of daily collaboration and continuous improvement

Praise in public, criticize in private

Feedback aimed at achieving a positive outcome by providing someone with clear details that are useful for work & future

• Feedback sandwich – put Ur critique between two positives 🍔
• Details, not personality – focus on specifics (data/actions/items, etc.), not the person 🎯
• Facts, not assumptions – objectively justify with facts, do not judge on assumptions 📈
• Offer solutions, not blame – suggest improvements instead of blame and directives 🛠
• Control the tone – deliver the informa️tion in a calm and respectful manner 📢

12-minute break before responding

To overcome the reactive emotional response, take a 12-minute break. This will help U to calm down and think more rationally

Praise

By acknowledging good work and showing Ur appreciation U can help to reinforce these positive behaviors

• Be Specific – highlight, what exactly was good?
• Share Care – acknowledge, let others see the effort and the result

Criticism

By providing constructive feedback, U help to improve results and strengthen relationships

Negative attracts even more negative

”Conversation started on a negative note, usually brings more such comments & often ends on a negative note too” – Am0wA

• Be Specific – highlight, what exactly was bad?
• Be Objective – not personal, neither blame personality nor judge on assumptions
• Show Care – stay calm and respectful, aim for a positive outcome
• Follow Up – next check in date with person of how they’re doing in the respective area

Choose the Right Words

Words frame the information therefore affect how the meaning perceived

The feeling

”I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” – Maya Angelou

• Absolutes: Steer clear of always or never, nothing or everything – feels dismissive
• Absolute Certainty: Avoid I'm sure – feels dismissive (try Probably)
• False Ownership: Avoid acts on behalf of U - feels like blame (try I instead)
• Vagueness: Avoid kind of or sort of – feels vague
• Forcing: Avoid U should or U need – feels forced (try Could U?)

Facts are not assumptions

”Accusations based on assumptions framed as facts made on behalf of others, are destructive and lead to resentful outcomes” – Am0wA

Destructive Phrases

Disregarding, disrespectful, dismissive, or threatening phrases lead to counterattacks

// Destructive
"U never..." | "U always..."       // Absolutes: rarely true
"Ur problem is..."                 // False Ownership: blame
"Calm Down!"                       // Forcing: triggers more anger & reactance
"U're acting like a..."            // Personal: attack into self-identification
"I’ll talk to U when U can be rational" // Dismissive: implies the irrational state
"U’re such a @#$%&!"               // Insulting attack - doesn't lead to resolution
"U should visit the ${specialist}" // Forcing: implies the person is not capable
"We’re done! I’m out of here!"     // Threatening: escalates the situation

Recipes

Put Urself in other's shoes

// Destructive
"U never make the dishes"                   // Absolutes: rarely true
"U should do dishes today?"                 // Forcing: provokes reactance

// Constructive
"Today, There no clean dishes left"         // Objective, facts based
"I've noticed that the dishes are not done" // Self-ownership, facts based
"Could U please do the dishes today?"       // Suggestive, not forcing

// Destructive
"U just want to ..."               // False Ownership: assumption based

// Constructive
"I've not received ... from U"     // Self-ownership: facts based

// Destructive
"U desinged it wrong"             // Blame: personal, vague
"It's badly designed"             // Vagueness: not-specific

// Constructive
"Imho, it feels a bit raw, because..."      // Self-ownership: not personal
"It looks like, this part is missing. What do U think?" // Objective: suggestive
"Could U please add it?"                    // Suggestive: not forcing

// Constructive
"It's not Clear for me. Could U please add comment over it to avoid ambiguity?"         // Self-ownership: respectful, suggestive

// Destructive
"It's Obvious. U're just incompetent"   // Personal: disregarding, Survivorship bias

// Destructive
"If u'll not send it Now – I'm out of here!"   // Threatening: escalates the situation

// Constructive
"I'm not ready to answer. Let's take a brake?"  // Self-ownership: Calm, respectful

// Destructive
"U always ditch all innovative ideas because of fear to brake the prod" // Personal: accusing

// Constructive
"Last three ideas were not accepted, due to 'It's risky' assumption." // Objective: facts based
"It feels like new ideas & solutions aren’t welcome. Is there a way we could explore all props & cons?" // Self-ownership: suggestive

// Destructive
"U're interrupting others on every meeting" // Absolutes: exaggerated & personal

// Constructive
"Imho, U often share valuable insights on meetings. Could U please let others share their ideas too?" // Suggestive: respectful

// Destructive
"I don't care what it takes. Release it until Monday. Take overtimes if needed!" // Forcing: disregarding the person's time & life

// Constructive response
"We're aiming to deliver it until Deadline. Could U please review other priorities, so the team could focus & do it without overtimes?" // Suggestive: respectful
"We understand it's important. Could we review edge cases, and add those as patch or to adjust Deadline?" // Objective: facts based

Further reading

• Flabbergasted meaning 🤦🤦‍♀️